Moving House (Again!)

And Learning to Hold Two Emotions at Once.

Hello,

How are you? We’ve had a really fun week, celebrating Skye turning seven (I know everyone says it, but, ah, they really do grow up so fast!) and then a couple of nights in Venice, our favourite place in the world. We’ve been going with the girls since they were really little, and it just holds a very special place in our hearts for all of us.

It’s even more fun now that the girls are that little bit older and can take on a bit more culture. I love history, I love art, old stories, traditions, discovering what places used to be like, and I love that I can start to share that with them.

We got back late last night, flying past one of the most insane lightning storms I’ve ever seen, which was a good lesson in learning to let go and feel comfortable with a lack of control!

Anyway, now that we’re home, we’re in move mode! I know I’ve repeatedly said how happy I am, how happy the whole family is since we moved, and so moving again seems a little confusing, especially given we just did a giant building project. I don’t tend to share loads about my personal life, but I’ve never had more questions about anything, so, here’s what’s going on…

First up, we LOVE the countryside, and everything is great our end. The move is doubling down on our new life, rather than anything else.

The long and short of it is that we fell in love with another house two years ago. It was our dream house in our dream location. We completely fell in love with the house, the countryside around it and we had everything lined up to move there, but the current owners had to pull out, and so we went back to the drawing board.

We ummed and ahhed about staying in London, either forever or until we found something similar in that same area, but quickly realised that the intensity of London wasn’t the right thing for us as a family anymore, so we widened our search in the countryside and found our current house, which we love.

Moving here, even if the majority of the time was spent living on a building site, was one of the best decisions we’ve ever made.

It has taught us so much. The last year has felt as though the permanent noise, the whirring in the background, has been turned off. We’ve gained the ability to stop, to be quiet and to just be. I don’t think I realised how wired we all were until we moved. The beauty of opening the kitchen door and stepping into the garden, into nature, each day has been genuinely life-changing. Our nervous systems have had a great year, we’re all so much calmer, more balanced, more at ease. I’ve seen an enormous change in us all and I think we’re all infinitely healthier and happier for it.

I love that the kids have connected with nature, that they’ve grown sunflowers, scooped up worms, chased butterflies, rescued birds, collected food from the garden, spotted tadpoles. I love that they can roam free outside, build fairy houses, climb trees. That they don’t need shoes, they can just be young and free. It’s really precious time and I think it’s helping them stay young, build their imaginations and resilience. Of course it’s not always idyllic, they still fight, they still want to watch more screens than I’d like etc etc but on the whole, they’re much more carefree.

I know we’re so lucky to have been able to make the move and I really am just so grateful that we’ve done it. Of course there are moments when I miss the convenience of Deliveroo, of walking to meet friends, of having more community on our doorstep, but overall it’s truly been a best-ever kind of chapter.

So, in many ways moving again makes no sense, I do see that!

I also hate the concept of living by the idea that the grass is always greener, the idea that when we’re so happy there could be something better. So, in many ways moving is counter-intuitive, but the thing is that other house seeped into our souls, and we just love that area so much. It’s near the coast, a little more remote, more nature, a bit more wellness and a school that I always really, really wanted the girls to go to.

So, when we found out that the original house we fell in love with could be ours again, we knew we should go for it. We hope it’ll just build on the love of our countryside life that we’ve already begun. The last time we were there the girls ran around the garden shouting, “Best house ever.” So, safe to say, we all love it.

We have sold our house and we’ll move in a couple of weeks.

It’ll be a slightly convoluted time, a double move if you will, as we can’t actually move into the new house until next year, so we’re moving next door to it as an interim. It means we can settle the girls into their new school, get to know the area and start laying our roots.

I am genuinely gutted to leave our veggie garden; we’re certainly leaving a Cinderella-style patch of pumpkins behind and a lot of courgettes (they really do grow like weeds!), but otherwise it does feel like the right thing to do and the ultimate example of the fact that two things can be true at once, which is something that’s taken me at least three decades to learn and that I’m trying to get the girls comfortable with from the get-go.

It’s been a beautiful chapter, one that I think we’ll all treasure forever. And we’re really sad to leave, I’m sure there will be tears from all of us when we get in the car and drive off, but equally we’re also so excited about where we’re going, and that’s ok, we can hold both those feelings.

I used to think I had to choose a feeling, that everything needed to be black or white. Either I was sad, or I was excited. Either I was grateful, or I wanted something different. Either I was anxious, or I was brave. The older I get, the more I realise that life isn’t like that and I’m slowly learning to make space for that. To get comfortable with the nuance of my feelings. Most of the important moments seem to arrive carrying two semi-conflicting emotions at once, don’t you find?

I also think oftentimes the right decision doesn’t feel simple. I used to want everything to feel obvious, which I realise now was another version of seeing the world in black and white, of my anxiety wanting clarity, certainty and control. Part of my old anxiety patterns made me want to stay where we are, where everything is familiar and therefore feels safe, where I know what’s going on, but I think that’s living in a pattern of fear rather than growth. And if I’ve learnt anything over the last few years, it’s that trusting yourself and your intuition is so important, and in my heart, I know this is the right move for us. We can be deeply grateful for one chapter while also being ready for the next one.

I’m not the best with change though, probably like many of us. I’m a bit nervous about making new friends (it’s hard as an adult, isn’t it?), getting everything sorted and all the rest. So, I’m doubling down on the habits that help. The simple daily meditation, stopping and noticing what’s around me, getting outside and just being grateful for what’s right in front of me.

So that’s where we are, soaking up the last few days here, enjoying all that we have, and getting ready for what’s next.

I will be teaching a calming meditation at 7.30 tomorrow evening, for everyone that also wants some peace and nourishment in their lives. Can’t wait to see you there. Plus we have Monday and Wednesday evening classes this week. All the links are here

Have a lovely weekend everyone,

Ella x